Stupid Shit
Since when do you wear glasses?
This was the first phrase to inspire the Stupid Shit series. I’d been wearing glasses for almost a year and a half so it was no big deal to me anymore.
It was a big deal to the person who hadn’t seen me in more than a year and a half. So much so that they blurted it out on a Zoom call when they saw my updated profile photo.
It took me off guard and I ended up in the singularity of confusion. You know that feeling when someone says something passive aggressive, stupid or embarassing and you don’t know what the fuck to say?
So I just laughed because that’s how I mask being uncomfortable.
Crazy Hair
My crazy hair days were in college.
This was said to me in a very unexpected place and from a women who could have been my mom’s age.
What made it so surprising is that I was at a hair and nail salon. I’m pushing 50 so this comment felt passive aggressive at best, which I’m fairly certain has become a past time for boomers.
Naturally, I entered the singularity of confusion and just looked at her with a stupid fucking smile on my face.
I’m hopeful it was my Go Fuck Yourself smile.
Gatekeeper
You’re a good artist… too bad you trace everything
Art is for everyone you gatekeeping bag of dicks.
This was said to me by a houseguest who stayed here free of rent and had the absolute gigantic enough balls to say this about a canvas painting I had been working on.
Another moment where I just smiled and laughed but throat punched him in my mind.
Women Over 40
Women over 40 shouldn’t wear a bikini
The number of times this was said or implied to me was mind blowing. Why can’t women over 40 wear a bikini? This was more of a facepalm moment for me because boomers were raised to believe this.
Gen X not so much.
I got married at 40 so I’ll be damned if I wasn’t going to wear a bikini while honeymooning in Cozumel.
So I went to Mexico and fucking rocked that bikini.
You Did Not
You Did Not Break Your Neck
This was such a crazy thing to hear because I did actually break my neck. Not the break your neck and can’t walk again break. I fractured my occipital condyle, which is technically on the base of the skull. It’s a serious fracture that required a brace for two months.
I also gashed open my forehead and needed 23 stitches. Hence the maxi-pad on my forehead.
Hearing someone say that you didn’t experience trauma is a little mind-blowing to me. And hurtful. It completely erased my experience and minimized the pain I went through with this. And still go through today.
People tend to discredit these experiences and the associated pain if you don’t look like something is wrong with you. More so if people find you “unconventionally attractive”.
Unconventional
You Are Unconventionally Pretty
I feel like this is a backhanded compliment. Like saying, “I wish I had your confidence” to fat people who wear skimpy or tight-fitting clothing. It’s not nice even if you think you’re being nice.
What you’re saying is I’m not the version of what our society tells us is acceptable. You think it’s an act of courage to wear makeup, have colorful hair or wear clothing that makes you feel good about yourself if you don’t fit traditional standards of beauty.
It’s not rebelling against beauty standards to be called unconventionally pretty. You’re being an asshole.
I was taught if you can’t say something nice then don’t say anything at all. This was one of those situations.
psycHOTic
You Put the Hot in Psychotic
This is such a fucked up thing to say to someone. Especially in the heat of a fight. This was said to me by an emotionally stunted man-child when I had the audacity to ask for help around the house. Instead of helping, he proceeded to gaslight me about the chores, insist that since he was working he didn’t need to help, and then tell me how fucking crazy I was (for wanting an emotionally mature man).
It’s not mature nor is it emotionally healthy. Saying stuff like this only highlights how much you need therapy. Get help. I promise you’ll be better for it.
Geezuz Loves You
It feels like being blinded by light but with religion instead. Not in a good way. In a deer in the headlights way because religion makes me uncomfortable. The few times I went to church were a little unsettling.
It was being told, “you’re uncomfortable because you haven’t accepted Geezus”, and I’m like, no, I’m uncomfortable that you’re telling me what to believe rather than question that doesn’t sit well with me.
The laying on of hands was fucking weird too.